5 golden steps you can take to rekindle a dying relationship

      If you think you are in a relationship that is just near to death. If you have started to feel the problem is not cheating but the two of you not loving each other anymore or feeling happy in each other's company. You really want things to have some sort of positive outcome. Conversations you both are having are not fine at all and most of the time end on some kind of an argument. Your emotions are somewhat bottled up if you keep quite and things backfire if you try to express yourself. 

      You really want things to improve right? This is why you are here. And this shows that things have still not gone out of hand completely and you are still hoping that one day things would come to a happy phase. So here are a few bits of things you can do which may bring a good result for your relationship. If you really think it's not a case of cheating and disloyalty in your relationship then you have a good chance that you can rejuvenate the old prosperity of your relationship and bring back the same freshness both of you shared.

1. Trust and believe is the key

     You know you are here because you still have hope. But this is equally true that you have been under a lot of pressure and therefore, the sense of trust on any solution doesn't build up for you. There is a popular saying, "What you think, you become, what you feel you attract, what you imagine you create."  Thus, the same rule applies to your mindset for your relationship and the believes you have for it. Therefore, it is my personal request to you to first imagine yourself with your partner in that exact level of bonding that you aim for presently. What I mean to say is to think of that exact feeling of happiness that you want to have with your partner and after having done that, believe that you have achieved it. Don't just dream until you make it reality, but believe until you turn it into reality. Trust me magics do happen, only, if you choose to believe in them. Even medicines don't work if the patient has no faith in them and studies have proven this. So don't try to test everytime, just have a faith and believe that it's a reality that your relationship is completely fine now.

2. Relive the past

      Think of the time when you were on your early dating phases. Think of the time when the both of you had started to feel for each other. Think about the qualities in your partner that you were attracted to, and then after that think about those qualities that your partner thought were attractive in you. There you go, that's something you have to think about again. Recollect those memories and analyse yourself if you still have maintained those qualities in you or not. We are not talking about any age related attributes that are sure to fade with progress in time. All we are talking about are the qualities that define you. Was it your believe system, your positivity, your focus, your behaviour, your manners, your friendliness, your subtleness, your attitude to keep trying, your motivation, the inspiration that you had been for others, your values, your ethics, anything that you think you had been earlier but have either increased too much in it or have detoriated completely and have ignored to work on them at all.

Take your time alone and think. You may use a paper and pen to note down the stuff. After having done that, try to re establish that same feeling your partner had earlier by trying to bring back those great attributes back into yourself. 

     You know that very well that a person would surely feel dissatisfied and discouraged if he or she doesn't get that what was expected, and the same has probably happened here. Let me tell you it's just a feeling of being shown something else and then experiencing something far from that what was shown earlier. This feeling makes your partner grow apart from you. You might have not taken yourself too seriously but trust me your partner does. And if you don't take his/her expectations from you seriously that would give him/her a signal that his/her choices are not important for you. If he(take it to be the gender of your situations accordingly as I'm going to use he for my convenience to explain you) had seen you and was attracted you because you inspired him to be more focused in his career, and then gradually you start to change your ways and the energy that you radiated towards him, have suddenly diminished. Don't you think that the source of attraction when stopped completely would affect the relationship as well? 

      So what do you think you should do? You got that right. Ignite the spark again. Work on yourself first. Firstly on those things that you think your partner liked in you the most. Remember it's not just because he liked it, but because it was something that was your strength that even made your partner fall for you. Try to reshape yourself into that side of yours that you had forgotten long ago. Rejuvenate, refresh and relive.

3.Make yourself better

     Look, honestly the truth is that only change we can bring is within ourselves. Nobody in this world can be under our control but us. We may or may not get expected results always but the fact is, self improvement and self development have never gone in vain.

      Why don't you think about prioritising your own development first than that of your relationship? A very good spokesperson once told this, that you should be 100% and your partner the other 100% thus, making the relationship more than just complete. But if you are 50% you are dependent on your partner to complete you and the relationship with the other 50% from their side. This not just makes you dependent but also decreases your self worth. Your relationship becomes less fulfilling and struggles a lot even if 1% of your partner or yourself is less invested in it. 

     You might have felt that this is complicated to understand. But this is all about making yourself happy first. It's about completing yourself first, and not to forget, by yourself only and not with the help of your partner. Have you been dependent for your emotional, financial and even some basic needs, upon your partner? Is it not possible to make yourself capable of taking your own responsibilities? Yes, surely it is. Every relationship needs a co operation and coordination but the dynamics shift to one side completely when one of you is the giver and the other is a taker all the time. 

Becoming independent would not just grow your self esteem but would also bring respect for you in the eyes of your partner and would also be helpful to them if they have been too much burdened with your additional responsibilities. It would also hint your partner that you are no more a person who can be dominated.

Alongwith these, you should also work on other aspects of your life. Look around and work on the fields you had been lacking. See if you had paid attention to your health, see if you have gained or lost weight from your perfect scale, see if you would try on with a new hairstyle of your choice, have a look if you haven't been good at driving. Did you focus on your work and used your full potential? All of these are some of the examples of questions that you should think about to know of the aspects of your life you should work upon.

4. Try to make them feel they aren't forgotten

Yes, you heard that right. Your partner just die for that one moment when they come to know you care for them. You might not have felt it yourself too, but the attitude should not always be to return what you get, isn't it? Try to include them in your life when they are not around. For example, get a stuff for them if you go for shopping for yourself, this would give them a signal of how you don't forget them when you are having a good time alone. Send them a small text to let them know you were thinking of them. You don't have to do big things or plan out expensive trips to make them happy, but a simple coffee date at home would also feel lovely. Make time to play games together or do stuffs they would love to do with you. 

     One thing that I would like to bring to your notice is that they might have a feeling initially that it's something that you are trying to make out and are not feeling deep within. They might even guess it's a trick that you have probably learnt from the internet and are now applying it on them, but don't take their words to the heart. To avoid a response like this, try to use the first example I gave you, i.e. to buy something for them when you are out for your shopping. Trust me, you don't have to explain anything and everything always, it's the feeling that tells it all. Even if you choose any other way and your partner gives a response that showed he didn't feel very happy with it, it would still make him think of you at that moment and even later. No body hates feeling special and when it's for our significant other, it's just lovely. Keep it simple and modest, don't do something you actually don't mean to do from your heart, as they would know it trust me. Sugar coating your words is nit what we are doing here. Don't be too desperate in doing these very often and suddenly. Remember, keep a balance and then move ahead.

5. Don't let misunderstandings hurt you both

     A lot of times there are arguments and most of them are due to misunderstandings between the partners.

Where one doesn't even bothers to hear or clarify anything, the other one tries to force too much to make things clear at that instant. 

     A lot of times the focus is just upon misunderstandings, and there are not many people who think about why these misunderstandings pop up. A few of them might be, talking about too many or two different contexts at the same time, texting or chatting to do important discussions that doesn't explain the mood or the tone of the individuals talking, mild trust issues or past experiences, communication gap and not spending enough time together to understand the choices and general reactions of each other to a situation. All of these give rise to certain misunderstandings often and thus should be checked if are practised.

     Sometimes it's not easy to keep misunderstandings at bay and then it becomes important to know how to handle them. Look, you have a mood that keeps changing. Even if it is the fault of your partner, then intensity of your reaction depends completely upon your mood. You might choose to let it go or even take it sportingly, and you might also choose to make a big issue out of it if you feel like. 

     If you really want to make things better, it's pretty much sure that you wouldn't want another fight for no reason to occur and would want to not react inappropriately. The best thing you can do is to request your partner to let you cool down or if he is angry wait for him to become normal before you discuss things further. Don't let unnecessary assumptions pop up in your mind and give your partner a chance to make his point himself. Don't make him feel unheard thus, freaking him away to talk to you more often. Try to be more compassionate and understand that humans make mistakes and both of you are humans who behaved accordingly.

6. Give time to discussions

     This in my opinion is the most important step one should follow to keep the relationship as best as it can be. Try to spend a good amount of quality time with your partner for just talking to each other. You might initially not understand what the topic of discussion should be but as the conversation would progress both of you would have something or the other to say.

      Learn to pay full attention to them while they are saying something and make them feel that you really want them to be heard, thus encuraging them to open more to you. Remember to give them enough time to complete what they want to say and don't interrupt every now and then.

      You can calmly bring up your concerns and fears too during these times and let them know what you expect from them or what bothers you. Use these times to even speak about your feelings to them and keep reassuring them that you haven't taken them for granted. Don't feel shy to show your love.

     When you think your conversations might get heated a bit you can try to take measures to not trigger them but that doesn't mean you leave open ended conversations and run away to just not face an argument. Sometimes these arguments land up in making your bond stronger and simply running away in the between may let your partner think you don't want to solve any issues. Don't be harsh in your words but try being to the point in such situations. Tell the exact problems first and then only if needed talk about the consequences and hardships that your face due to that problem. Try to give them a choice or at least a decent leniency in your decision for the problem. Try to find a solution that suits the both of you. 

     The motive of every conversation should be to understand each other more and more and solve the differences between the two of you.

So, these were a few very helpful changes you can bring about to bring a good change into your love life. These tips are equally beneficial for people who already have a strong bond and intimacy. So, don't hesitate much and don't waste much time in thinking whether to follow them or not. Share if you have any more information or tips from your personal experience that you would like to share, in the comments section below and share it with your loved ones ctoo.