Empathy in a relationship and it's importance. How would they be able to enculcate this lovely attribute...?

     

     Is it so very necessary for both the individuals in a couple to be perfect? Or is it simply togetherness and the will to accept each other the way they are that is important? Why is it so common these days to see people still unknown to the attribute of empathy? They are often confused between what they call empathy and what its actual meaning is. What they call as empathy is actually what we know as sympathy. Being sympathetic in a relationship turns things into a master and slave situation. You feel pity over your partner, maybe that's why you would not choose to hurt them, but that doesn't mean you would feel that same way they are feeling. 

     Men and even women too have been seen to have a lack of empathy but they don't even realize this. Your partner tells you about some problem they are facing, all you start doing is either console them, tell them you feel sorry for them, but wait, you felt the same when you saw a group of little children playing on the streets, wearing torn clothes and struggling to have a meal each day. Wasn't that the same feeling?

     If not this, what else do you think would have been done. You would start searching for a solution and matters turn out so inappropriate suddenly that you end up having an argument simply of no valid reason, leaving them even more distressed. Was that a great idea? Was that what you think would be empathy?

     Look, if your partner (especially a female) is in a situation where they feel they are disturbed, somehow not high in mood and upset, and they tell this to you, it's not because they are in need of someone feeling bad for them, at least not you in the first place. 

They tell their feelings to you not for a solution either, and even if they need a solution that would most probably be a second step. Infact it is you who they actually need at that time. They need you to understand and feel what their state of mind is like. Maybe that would also help you understand what they need, and if they need a solution, you would also understand if that would work or not. 

    Having said that I would also like to mention that this is what we call empathy.  You don't feel bad for the latter but you actually feel how bad they are feeling. Now if that isn't a part of your personality at all, you would not be able to still feel this even if you got what I said above. 

     Relationships without empathy turn out bitter and cold. The one behaving harshly doesn't even realise how vulnerable the other one is while he or she makes their own remark. It's not always a choice it may be due the type of upbringing a person has had. But another truth to be mentioned very importantly is that there is nothing that cannot be achieved if someone is determined to. The only thing is what your choices are. 

     It's childish and rather a foolish assumption to think someone or the other would change you one day. If you think it's your partner who lacks empathy the same would go for them. You must know it is the choice of only one person and that is the one who lacks empathy that he or she wants to learn this virtue or not. If you think you are the one, please dear don't hesitate to learn, if you think it's them, simply, leave. A partner can be an inspiration but not rehab for anyone having some bad or unacceptable behavior. 

     Learning empathy isn't a rocket science and isn't a nursery rhyme too. It simply needs determination and daily practice, now with practising I don't mean to wake up in the morning and practice empathy for and hour, no. It means to include this in your daily life as a habit. Trust me you might feel like things aren't looking like you really understand the other person, you would feel like you are faking but please don't misunderstand, you need to ask about the other one's problem before popping up with your special comments. Try to do something to make them feel there is someone to whom they can share their heart out. Empathy is not being selfish but being self loving to understand how bad would have you felt being in the same situation. Turn the negatives into positives, see what are the ways in which you would have expected your partner to behave with you, and try doing the same special things for them. Slowly and gradually this would turn out to be a part of your personality too. It's not only your partner but the other people around you also deserve the same empathetic behavior. Great leaders, scholars, and people excelling almost in all positive fields have put this attribute as a part of their personalities. You can enculcate it too. The only thing is how and when would you like to start.