When did I really started feeling the pressure...?

     

     Now, when I see my friends, another creepy thought comes into my mind that shakes me down to my spine. I know the virtues of not being jealous. I know it's our insecurities that make us unhappy. But when we come to a practical aspect of life, we come across hurdles created by our own mind. And the same happens with me. I feel like lagging behind. What good things I did in the past doesn't amaze me at all since I'm not able to replicate it in my present. 

     It feels frustrating and disheartening. I feel like I am a worthless creature. Not because I don't know what my abilities are, but only because I can't conquer them. Every step brings with it a hurdle which is twice it's worth. It doesn't mean that my goals aren't my priority, it does not even imply I am scared of these obstacles. It simply means each every step requires me to invest double or treble the energy and time that I actually need to have invested in it. 

     I'm 21 and still an intermediate. It's not encouraging when you see friends around you already holding a degree and earning. When you are in the same age group you tend to get similar energies and ideas towards a particular phase of life. You feel like it's high time when you can opt for a start up, or go for a job, or start implementing the ideas that pop up every now and then. But what if you are still not ripened enough to get a license to do so. By this, I mean, a degree. 

     Your dreams seem to be still far away, and you need to take a lot many steps before even you start working on it. Yes, that's what I want to express out. These thoughts are so agitating that I start searching for any insignificant job that can get me an earning for myself. Anything and everything seems ok even if it is not. I can't hasten and pluck the flowers before time but these stuffs are tempting. Immediate results is what my impatience has started craving these days.

     I know my time would come some day. I know everything that can be counted does not count. But I still feel the pressure when I see my parents getting older day by day. It's not everything that can wait for you. And among these things, age comes on the top most place. It seems like I'm loosing it day by day. I would probably not get so old to live my life, but what about the responsibilities that I have? What about those who rely upon my future? Would that be justice to them? Do you really think getting late would be helpful in such a case? I might get a lot of different votes and advises regarding everything that I said above but it's true these times are frustrating. 

     It's high time I feel, to conquer my dreams, my expectations from myself. It's high time when I must make myself able. My dreams demand time and patience and that is what I feel I'm losing. 

     Help me O Lord, to have patience and rebuild my stepping stone each and every time I run downwards. Help my parents, my loved ones have that patience and strength to wait for me. Help things get better, and help me make them better than what they are now. Trust me people, the fire isn't out inside. It's just the smoke that has accumulated that has made me feel suffocated. I just wanna come out of it to see a clear path towards my future. Help me get over this pressure dear Almighty. I know I can do it.