A simple guide to the parenting minds...

     

     It becomes a big responsibility for us when it comes to nurturing young brains. We know everything that we do is taken as an inspiration and even a single wrong step may leave a negative impact or sometimes a scar. These things are not so simple as they seem to be. A person's childhood shapes his/her personality. 

     Not just their parents or guardians but children keep a note of everything and everyone around them. And surprisingly it's a greater problem when we also come to know that one negative action influences a child more easily than the multiple positive actions. 

     A big difference between the behavior of children these days and that of those in the 90s and pre 90s is very much noticeable through their stubbornness. It's very easy to put all the blame on their minds and simply not take any responsibility for such a situation. You see children around just not ready to understand. Hardly a few these days can be seen not shouting and screaming for something not done according to their wishes. It's not a truth if we say earlier, children never did such a thing or were not indisciplined and stubborn. But anyone who has been a witness of both of the time zones would understand what differences are we talking about here. We might also be a bit confused as to what can be the possible reasons for these problems. These can be of a wide spectrum:

Work addicted mentality

     In order to keep our minds at peace, we often tend to stay busy, that is, stay busy with some work that we feel is fruitful in not letting leisures creep into our schedule. Thus, we ensure a period of no stress on mind and easy way of getting out of our daily life problems which might upcome when we are doing nothing and just busy thinking. 

      It's true, that these are beneficial tools to get over our own depressions but as we become parents or guardians to someone, they become completely dependent on us for a long time and also for shaping their mindset. If we simply leave them alone to grow on their own, it would be same as leaving things on the luck factor. It would just be a matter of chance that these things turn out to be positive and fruitful in the child's upbringing. 

Fulfilling our desires in the past

     With the gradual increase in the social and economical standards of the country, we also get to avail a lot more than what we could in the past. 

     It's a quite common scenario if we come across someone with a bitter or somewhat less facilitated childhood, leading a high class life in the present. Such people tend to have the mentality of letting their children suffer what they feel they did in the past. For an easy understanding, let us take an example of a person who had hardly used a mobile phone of his own, until his mid 20s, or someone who because of low economical standards couldn't afford to enjoy his life as his friends did when they were young. Such individuals when in the present come to a good financial state, they would naturally be still remembering their childhood and hardships and would definitely not want their children to struggle as much as they did. Thus, they are a bit more than just providers. They tend to become more giving, as soon as their children asks for something. And in some extreme cases, before anything being asked for. 

     These things might not seem so much if we see them through the blind vision of our past, but situations are a little different when it is seen while staying in the present. The child might not get to ever understand the value of those things he gets easily. 

     Matters further enhance when children become so demanding towards things that they begin to consider those as their birth right. I know this sounds harsh, but trust me if this is so, it's only because of the parents being too much giving. Children must be made to learn the value of everything given to them, and it is also important to let them understand the value of denial. 

     It's not always that our parents couldn't give us that what we wanted that they denied in the past, it was because they knew that a child must know the value of everything he has got and understand that he has to toil on his own to get what he wants in life.

Our expectations from our parents

     Many of us had been through a variety of people and their different types of behavior towards us. Some we're kind, some rude and the others, simply not caring at all. It is very normal for a child to expect good behavior from others, even if they don't do so. As young children, many of us may or may not have been treated in the same way as we expected. And our parents are the ones whom we expect from, the most. But due to any possible reason if don't get that happy and fulfilled feeling, it becomes a lesson for us, we tend to give ourselves, instructions for our future, as to what is to be done and what not. If we didn't get enough love from our parents, which can be due to a number of reasons, we think it must not happen with our children in the future. 

     And just similar to what I said in the previous point, we become more giving. This time in case of affections. We tend to pamper children too much for what they need not be. As a result, children become more and more stubborn and sensitive towards other people. They hardly accept anything that happens against their wishes and are very much vulnerable to bad company and anti social elements. They further even turn out to oblige to their parents instructions, if they are not willing to. 

     This happens because, they have never been scared of doing anything wrong when they were young, when they could be controlled and negativities become embedded in their overall personality. 

     Spare the rod and spoil the child might seem to be and age old concept but it wasn't worthless at all. I do not support physical abuse or torture, but the only implication of this proverb is that a child must know and be kept reminded of, that wrong deeds deserve punishment and in the long run they would simply keep themselves away from such things as that would become enculcated inside their minds on its own. 

     Too much love for a piece of stone can never allow a sculpture, sculpt out a masterpiece out of it. The same goes with children. 

It's a good thing to praise the Lord

     Religious views and beliefs are an adults personal choice in my opinion. But it is important to let children know that there is an existence of a Supreme Power. Let them know what is meant by Almighty. 

     Religious beliefs might be different, and not being too much involved into them is matter of personal choice which a person should make when they become enough sensible to such matters, but keeping things clear in front of them is completely our responsibility. It is simply upon us if we want to shape a piece of iron into a tool or a weapon. So the same goes with our children, and we must do it cautiously knowing about every possible consequences. We must know if we teach them something wrong in life, then we would fall into the same pit we dig for the others. 

     Children must be made be made to know of the amazing work of the Almighty, and His greatness, and how they consider my Him, as their Father, their Friend, or just as Good, is simply their perspective. 

 Let there be showers of blessings

     As there are children over-loved, there are also children, simply under-loved. They aren't cared for, and find themselves a victim to abuse. If there is such a case in your house, your neighborhood, your surrounding, anywhere you see, let these things not happen. These things not just harm children physically but deeply shaken their minds. Some even loose their mental abilities. 

     And if by chance you feel you have been too stubborn or harsh towards the young ones around you, make sure you keep a check on yourself. 

     Children always want to see themselves high in the eyes of their loved ones, try to provide them with that affection that they deserve. Try to pay attention towards what they do for you. It might seem too less for you but it's their love that matters the most. 

Bless your children and keep doing that even if you are not around. You know things work like magic. You might not believe this but they do. There is a law of attraction that brings to us what we love dearly. Be it the connection between our children and ourselves, or be it their great future. You tend to get what you want dearly, and even if you are not around, your children can feel it. 

     And if they love you back as you do, it's going to be sure that they will not do anything that you would not want them to do. 

Not taking stands when needed

     We are the very first inspiration and examples for our children, whether it be our good habits or the bad ones, children often imitate them. 

     You might have seen little ones playing with paper rolled out like cigarettes because they have seen their parents doing so sometime and someday. They might have even informed them of being wrong but when it seems to not give off any results, it creates an impression that these things are okay to be done and enhances our style statement probably. 

     But you know it well, it is not a great idea if they begin doing each and everything that you do. So therefore, it is very much important to set an example with our behavior so that when every questioned, our children would not simply point out at us instead of realising their mistakes.

     If you think you need to take a tough step against your bad habits, for the sake of your children just do it. 

Another important point on taking stands is that what you take when your child is being blamed wrongly. It's okay for children to have fights, arguments, and create nuisance while playing, but it doesn't at all looks great when the elders too involve into those. Let your children understand that they have to lead a life someday on their own. They need to know how to solve their problems. Teach them how to, but don't do it for them. They must not be spoon fed and therefore take their stands only when you feel matters have become enough serious for you to take the charge. 

It is our duty to make our children able, and independent. 

     

     Going through these few points would have surely given you a clue as to why has these problems started arising. 

     Everything that you do is for your child's future. So don't you think, it would be great if they also turn out to as good as you or probably more than what you are in all aspects of life, be it carrier, life, or relationships? I'm pretty sure, you do. So why not have a little bit of control on the overwhelming energy they have and turn it towards a direction that is actually fruitful. Patience is the key and your determination is the only way by which you can do so. You can't control the world, not even a child completely, because at some point of time they have a control on their minds for whatever they want to think, but at least you can try to feed in good values through actions and not just mere words. 

     You see, practical knowledge is always more helpful then theoretical exolanations. Invest some time in talking to your children, without paying attention to anything else. Try making them understand the importance of good behavior and discipline. Discuss their daily life problems, even if they're tiny ones, they have their own problems that seem bigger to them. Let them that you care for them and all that you want for their happy future. Just keep doing this consistently. That consistency would turn out to be his routine and then a part of his lifestyle. 

     So why not let's just try out instead of simply waiting for them to grow up and understand on their own. At least make them armed for those challenges that they are about to face.