Parting ways has never been easy ..My idiotic thoughts popping up again...

     

 You know it is necessary, maybe it's the matter of situations happened multiple times that made you say this. Parting or that what you call breaking up when you had truely been in love is no new thing for the world. It's not even an unfamiliar term for me, but then why does it seems so much that it's different in my case... There have been people in the past gone through it and there would be many more in the coming future, so then why am I feeling as if something out of this world has happened to me. I know I'm in sorrow but still I have my consciousness. So why does it feel like a pain so different from others. It feels like no one in this world would ever be able to know what the both of us are going through. Maybe because we never compared ourselves to anything else. Maybe because we had been so much into each other that we never felt it necessary to even bother about what the world had already gone through. We had done a number of things most of the couples do but then, every moment felt unique. Just one of a kind that can never ever be recreated by anyone else. This pain belongs only to the both of us. But it's hard to endure. It feels like thousand of needles poking you and you cannot cry. Why the one I left behind, so dear to me? You say I must move on and would be proud of doing so in the coming future but then I feel I will have to cheat up on my feelings to be there where you want me to be. It wasn't even a single drop of impurity and unfaithfulness that lied between us. Something that the both of us would cherish all our life. You say I would be better now, but you know something? I would never be the same as I used to be when I was his. Sounds idiotic as you know I always do. But yes, this isn't false, we know it very well that these things that we shared can never be given to any other person in our life. We can't and infact, we won't. It's our decision. But then what about the present? His memories show up every second. I am not a coward to run away from myself but also I'm devastated. I feel like crying all day and night. How could anyone be so much normal when the one they shared themselves the most with is not their anymore. Someone you could do anything for, suddenly is not there around you. Someone you made your everything and you have to make yourself believe that you have no right on him. Was it so necessary for life to give you so much pain? And then there is no answer. All left is a shattered, heartbroken, vulnerable you. No other way to get out of it if it wasn't what you had dreamt for. Every dream seems colorless. Every other aspect of life seems unimportant. You know you have nothing to heal yourself just have to get habituated to live with it.  There would be a morning you would be completely unknown to. You would do everything that you have to but then your life still remains as empty as it was when it happened. Your heart sobs when you are alone and that smile that you could do anything for, would keep flashing in front of your eyes. Every knock at the door, every unexpected sound from your phone wakes you up longing to see him back. But then you hurt yourself again with the same truth showing up again and again. It's over. Something that wasn't meant to be everlasting. Something that deserved life. Our relationship and it is us who killed it brutally...